What should I actually ask at a first meeting?

Instead of asking about someone's job, family, or hobbies – surface facts – try to understand *how* they approach life and what truly matters. The 'CV script' fails because it doesn't reveal character, values, or emotional intelligence. You're trying to learn about their decision-making process, priorities, and how they navigate challenges, not just what they own or do. For example, instead of 'What do you do for fun?', ask 'What's something you're passionate about, and what truly energizes you?' This reveals motivation. Or, instead of 'Do you have siblings?', consider 'How do you typically resolve disagreements within your family?' This offers insight into their conflict resolution style and emotional maturity. Think about questions that uncover their values and vision for a shared future. 'What does a supportive partnership look like to you?' or 'How do you imagine daily life in a joint household, and what responsibilities do you envision taking on?' These aren't easy, and might feel direct, but that initial awkwardness is a small cost compared to discovering fundamental incompatibilities later. Pay attention not just to the words, but to the openness and thoughtfulness of their answers. Sometimes, you might encounter a rigid expectation; for instance, if a man states that all major family decisions, even personal ones for his spouse, will be made by his parents. This pattern runs in both directions, and the version nobody warns you about is the one that runs the other way. Notice if they truly engage with your perspective or simply state non-negotiables. Ultimately, you're trying to gauge compatibility in temperament, life vision, and how they handle life's inevitable complexities. You're looking for signs of empathy, respect, and a willingness to build a partnership based on mutual understanding.