She earns more and now my parents want us to wait a year before the wedding?
TrueSoulMatch Editorial
We got roka'd last month and her company just transferred her to the head office with a thirty percent hike. My mother is saying it looks bad if the wife earns more right away and wants us to stall the booking of the hall till I change my job. I already failed two interviews this quarter and I am tired of studying at night. She keeps telling me her salary is for both of us but my father won't look at her when she speaks.
1 answer
TrueSoulMatch Editorial
Your father is looking away because your family's social script relies on the man being the primary provider, and that script just broke right after your roka. Stalling the wedding until you switch jobs is your parents' way of trying to restore an order that makes them feel secure, even though it relies on your exhaustion and punishes your partner for doing well at work. You need to tell your parents clearly that your partner's promotion is a shared benefit for your future household, not a threat to your standing, and that you will not put the wedding on hold while you exhaust yourself chasing a random salary benchmark just to satisfy neighborhood optics. Saying this to your parents will cause a fight. They will accuse you of disrespect and claim you are rushing things against family wisdom, and you will have to sit through days of cold silences where your father refuses to engage. That discomfort is the price of protecting your relationship from being undermined before it even starts. Your partner has already offered her salary as joint money, which shows she is willing to build with you as an equal. You have to match that commitment by refusing to let your family penalize her success or burn you out over interviews you are too tired to clear. Book the hall with her, set the date, and let your parents adjust to the new reality at their own pace.