She goes silent for days after an argument. How do I deal with that?

You're describing a challenging pattern that many couples face. It sounds like your partner uses silence not just as a way to process her thoughts, but as a means to avoid discussing disagreements and ultimately elicit an apology from you. While some people genuinely need time and space to cool down and collect their thoughts after an argument, healthy processing involves communicating that need and returning to the conversation with an intent to resolve. The pattern you've identified – where she goes silent for days, returns as if nothing happened, and you end up apologising to break the impasse – is a cycle that leaves issues unresolved and can seriously erode trust and intimacy. It teaches both of you that silence is a more effective strategy than direct communication, and that your feelings about the original disagreement are less important than restoring superficial calm. This dynamic, where one person uses prolonged withdrawal to control the flow of communication or compel an outcome, is a behaviour, not a gendered trait; swap the roles and the impact remains the same. To address this, you might need to change your response. Instead of apologising just to end the silence, consider stating what you need. You could say, "I understand you might need time after an argument, but when you go silent for days and then refuse to discuss it, it leaves me feeling unheard and the issue unresolved. I need us to be able to talk through our disagreements, even if it's difficult, and find a path forward together." Acknowledge that changing this pattern will be uncomfortable and may initially prolong the silence, which is the cost of breaking the old cycle. The goal is to establish that unresolved issues will not simply vanish, and that healthy communication requires both partners to engage constructively.